Letting Go Of Mum Guilt And Doing Things For Me

AD. There's no such thing as an un-busy mum. We're all busy! Whether you've got one child or multiple, juggling the endless demands can be pretty hectic. We're constantly spinning plates trying to keep our children alive (pretty important, that one), the house looking semi tidy, working, being a good wife and keeping social relationships afloat. It's exhausting! And behind all of that you've got mum guilt! It sneaks in when you least expect it telling you that taking any form of time for yourself is selfish. But it's not! Not even in the slightest. It's healthy, and it's beneficial to both you and your family. In this blog post we'll be taking a deep dive into the trap that is mum guilt and I'll be passing my sassy pants over to you advising you that letting go of mum guilt is literally the best thing ever. Bar our children of course!

Why Does Mum Guilt Happen?

Mum guilt is like a shadow that follows us around, a drowning feeling that we should always put our children's needs above our own. And if we don't, even if we just think about doing one thing for ourselves, we're terrible parents. It creeps in when we choose a moment of self-indulgence over another load of laundry or opt for self-care instead of cooking a meal from scratch. The truth is, mum guilt is a common experience, and it often stems from societal pressures and unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.

Mum Guilt Is A Trap!

Mum guilt is a vicious cycle. We feel guilty for considering our needs. This guilt can affect our mental and emotional wellbeing. We tell ourselves that we should be the perfect mum who sacrifices everything, but this can lead to burnout and feelings of resentment. As mums, we need to recognise that taking care of ourselves doesn't mean neglecting our children. A happier mum means happier children after all, right?

What Letting Go Of Mum Guilt Means To Me

Letting go of mum guilt is the easiest thing to say, but the hardest thing to do. A bit like parenting, you could say. Before I get into the nitty gritty, preachy side of how to let go of mum guilt, I wanted to tell you ways I've been putting myself first and doing things for me:

1. Going Back To Collage

One of the ways I've been letting go of mum guilt is by challenging myself and going back into education. Going back to college was a big step, but it's a decision that has empowered me to show my children the importance of lifelong learning. It's a reminder that it's never too late to do something different and set an example for your kids.

2. Tattoo Removal

Those tattoos from my younger years served as a reminder of a different time in my life. Deciding to have them removed was a way of letting go of the person I was back then and embracing the person I've become as a mother. It's important to remember that we are allowed to change and evolve. And nothing (not even tattoos) is permanent.

3. Dyeing My Hair

While it might seem like a minor change, dyeing my hair was a way of feeling young and wild again. It's a small act of self expression that reminds me I am still an individual with my own interests and desires. And seeing my four year olds face as she saw me with pink hair for the first time was priceless!

4. Reading

As a busy mum I have a busy mind. Reading feels like such an insignificant thing, but taking the time out to rest my body and my mind has been incredible. I managed to read a full book (The dilemma, by the way) in a week! Something I don't think I've been able to do for about a decade.

The greatest love of all, is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself. It is the greatest love of all

W. Houston

Letting Go Of Mum Guilt: How You Can Do It Too!

Now that we've talked about why mum guilt happens and my personal journey of reclaiming my sense of self, it's time to think about how you can also let go of mum guilt. Here are some of my top tips:

1. Prioritise Self Care: Understand that self care isn't selfish; it's self preservation. Find small moments each day to do something just for you, whether it's reading a book, taking a relaxing bath, or enjoying a hobby.
2. Seek Support: Talk to other mums about your feelings. Chances are, they've experienced mum guilt too. Share your struggles, and you'll realise you're not alone.
3. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when you need to. It's okay to decline extra commitments if they'll leave you feeling overwhelmed.
4. Celebrate Your Achievements: Every time you make a choice that's best for you, celebrate it. Perhaps this is my own little way of celebrating. Acknowledge that you're taking steps toward being a happier and healthier mum.

Why Letting Go Of Mum Guilt Is So Important

Letting go of mum guilt is not only beneficial for you but also for your children. When you prioritise your wellbeing, you're teaching them valuable lessons about self respect, self love, and the importance of balance in life. You are setting a powerful example that they can carry with them into adulthood.

So, remember that you are more than just a mother; you are a woman with personality, desires, and needs. Embrace your journey, make time for yourself, and let go of that mum guilt that holds you back. It's not selfish. I'm raising my cup of tea (that I wish was wine) to a happier, healthier you!

Sometimes Letting Go Of Mum Guilt Means Making Bigger Decisions

Putting yourself first isn't always about finding an hour to read a book or booking a hair appointment. Sometimes it means making decisions that feel much heavier. Whether that's changing careers, asking for more support from your partner, setting boundaries with family members, or walking away from situations that no longer serve you, these choices often come with an enormous amount of guilt. As mums, we're conditioned to believe we should keep everyone else happy at our own expense, even when doing so leaves us emotionally drained. But choosing a healthier, happier future for yourself isn't giving up on your family—it's investing in it.

Asking For Support

Why is asking for help one of the hardest things we'll ever do? Somewhere along the line, many of us convinced ourselves that a "good mum" should be able to do everything without complaining. The school runs, the packed lunches, the laundry, the appointments, the emotional support, the mental load... it's no wonder we're exhausted.

The truth is, asking for support doesn't make you weak; it makes you human. Whether it's asking your partner to take over bedtime, letting the grandparents have the kids for an afternoon, or simply admitting to a friend that you're struggling, accepting help gives you the chance to recharge. And here's the thing—your children don't need a supermum. They need a mum who feels supported, happy and able to enjoy spending time with them.

Setting Boundaries

As mums, we're often so busy saying "yes" to everyone else that we forget we're allowed to say "no". We say yes to extra responsibilities, yes to plans we don't really have time for, and yes to people who drain our energy, all because we don't want to let anyone down.

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you're someone who's used to putting everyone else's needs before your own. But boundaries aren't about shutting people out—they're about protecting your time, your energy and your wellbeing. The more you practise saying no without feeling guilty, the more you'll realise you're making room for the things and the people that truly matter.

Changing Careers

Becoming a mum changes so much about who we are, so it's only natural that our career goals might change too. Maybe the job you loved before children no longer fits around family life, or perhaps you've discovered a completely different passion. Whatever the reason, there's nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself professionally.

Changing careers can feel risky, especially when you're responsible for a family, but it's also an opportunity to show your children that it's okay to chase your goals. Going back to college has reminded me that learning doesn't stop once you're an adult. It's never too late to try something new, and sometimes taking that leap is exactly what your confidence needs.

Letting Go Of Relationships That No Longer Make You Happy

Not every difficult decision is about work or parenting. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is acknowledge that a relationship, friendship or situation is no longer bringing out the best in you. We often stay because we worry about what other people will think or because we feel guilty about the impact change might have on those around us.

The reality is that your happiness matters too. Choosing peace over constant stress isn't selfish, and looking after your emotional wellbeing is just as important as looking after your physical health. When you're happier, calmer and more confident, your children benefit from seeing a parent who knows their own worth and isn't afraid to make difficult decisions for the right reasons.

Finding Your True Happiness

One of the hardest lessons that many mums learn is that putting yourself first every now and then isn’t selfish at all. It can actually make you a much more patient parent, a better listener, and someone who has the emotional energy to enjoy family life instead of simply getting through each day. Sometimes, giving yourself permission to make difficult decisions is part of that journey too, especially if a relationship has been causing you more stress than happiness for a long time. If you’re someone who is navigating the end of a marriage, there can be a huge amount of guilt tied up with the idea of changing family life. In reality, children usually benefit from seeing healthy, respectful relationships, even if that means their parents live separately. Speaking with experienced divorce attorneys  can help you to gain clarity on the situation, so that you understand the process and what options are available to your family. Once the practical questions feel less overwhelming, it becomes much easier to focus on building your confidence, creating new routines, and embracing a future where both you and your children have a chance to find your true happiness.