Letting go of mum guilt and doing things for me

There's no such thing as an un-busy mum. We're all busy! Whether you've got one child or multiple, juggling the endless demands can be pretty hectic. We're constantly spinning plates trying to keep our children alive (pretty important, that one), the house looking semi tidy, working, being a good wife and keeping social relationships afloat. It's exhausting! And behind all of that you've got mum guilt! It sneaks in when you least expect it telling you that taking any form of time for yourself is selfish. But it's not! Not even in the slightest. It's healthy, and it's beneficial to both you and your family. In this blog post we'll be taking a deep dive into the trap that is mum guilt and I'll be passing my sassy pants over to you advising you that letting go of mum guilt is literally the best thing ever. Bar our children of course!

Why does mum guilt happen?

Mum guilt is like a shadow that follows us around, a drowning feeling that we should always put our children's needs above our own. And if we don't, even if we just think about doing one thing for ourselves, we're terrible parents. It creeps in when we choose a moment of self-indulgence over another load of laundry or opt for self-care instead of cooking a meal from scratch. The truth is, mum guilt is a common experience, and it often stems from societal pressures and unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.

Mum guilt is a trap!

Mum guilt is a vicious cycle. We feel guilty for considering our needs. This guilt can affect our mental and emotional wellbeing. We tell ourselves that we should be the perfect mum who sacrifices everything, but this can lead to burnout and feelings of resentment. As mums, we need to recognise that taking care of ourselves doesn't mean neglecting our children. A happier mum means happier children after all, right?

Letting go of mum guilt

Letting go of mum guilt is the easiest thing to say, but the hardest thing to do. A bit like parenting, you could say. Before I get into the nitty gritty, preachy side of how to let go of mum guilt, I wanted to tell you ways I've been putting myself first and doing things for me:

1. Going back to collage

One of the ways I've been letting go of mum guilt is by challenging myself and going back into education. Going back to college was a big step, but it's a decision that has empowered me to show my children the importance of lifelong learning. It's a reminder that it's never too late to do something different and set an example for your kids.

2. Tattoo removal

Those tattoos from my younger years served as a reminder of a different time in my life. Deciding to have them removed was a way of letting go of the person I was back then and embracing the person I've become as a mother. It's important to remember that we are allowed to change and evolve. And nothing (not even tattoos) is permanent.

3. Dying my hair

While it might seem like a minor change, dyeing my hair was a way of feeling young and wild again. It's a small act of self expression that reminds me I am still an individual with my own interests and desires. And seeing my four year olds face as she saw me with pink hair for the first time was priceless!

4. Reading

As a busy mum I have a busy mind. Reading feels like such an insignificant thing, but taking the time out to rest my body and my mind has been incredible. I managed to read a full book (The dilemma, by the way) in a week! Something I don't think I've been able to do for about a decade.

The greatest love of all, is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself. It is the greatest love of all

W. Houston

Letting go of mum guilt: How you can do it too!

Now that we've talked about why mum guilt happens and my personal journey of reclaiming my sense of self, it's time to think about how you can also let go of mum guilt. Here are some of my top tips:

1. Prioritise Self Care: Understand that self care isn't selfish; it's self preservation. Find small moments each day to do something just for you, whether it's reading a book, taking a relaxing bath, or enjoying a hobby.
2. Seek Support: Talk to other mums about your feelings. Chances are, they've experienced mum guilt too. Share your struggles, and you'll realise you're not alone.
3. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when you need to. It's okay to decline extra commitments if they'll leave you feeling overwhelmed.
4. Celebrate Your Achievements: Every time you make a choice that's best for you, celebrate it. Perhaps this is my own little way of celebrating. Acknowledge that you're taking steps toward being a happier and healthier mum.

Why letting go of mum guilt is so important

Letting go of mum guilt is not only beneficial for you but also for your children. When you prioritise your wellbeing, you're teaching them valuable lessons about self respect, self love, and the importance of balance in life. You are setting a powerful example that they can carry with them into adulthood.

So, remember that you are more than just a mother; you are a woman with personality, desires, and needs. Embrace your journey, make time for yourself, and let go of that mum guilt that holds you back. It's not selfish. I'm raising my cup of tea (that I wish was wine) to a happier, healthier you!