AD. Motherhood is great, but it has a lot to answer for, especially when it comes to feeling like yourself outside of being a mum. You were somebody before you became a mother and you're still somebody now. Just sometimes that person needs pulling back out. I get it, I've been there. I've lost myself to motherhood twice but I feel I'm at a place where I feel like Claire, as well as mum.
Mothering is the most challenging yet rewarding job. It's all consuming and can often feel relentless. It can be a really hard time and there's no wonder we can feel like we're just mothers. Today I wan't to get you thinking. I'm going to show you how to feel like yourself again outside of motherhood.
How To Feel Like Yourself Outside Of Motherhood
I feel i should start with a disclaimer as parenting is the hardest thing to do and the easiest thing to judge. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to solely be a mother. Personally I'll always describe myself as a mother first. Everything else comes secondary to my children, but I also want to be someone outside of parenting. It's just my personal preference. This is how I've found works best for me.
Socialising With Friends
Regaining a social life has been crucial in helping me feel like myself again. Even if I have to take the children with me it's so nice meeting up with friends and having actual adult conversations. You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many times I have to repeat myself on a daily basis. 'Can you pull your pants up now please' is a classic in our house. What is it with toddlers and suddenly wanting to dart straight off after going to the toilet? It's safe to say that adult conversation is very much needed!
Getting Back Into Work
The balance between working and mothering can be a really tricky one to manage. If I'm honest, I don't think any of us are totally managing it. More winging it it to keep our heads above water. With that being said, I've really enjoyed getting stuck back into work. For some of you, working won't resolve how to feel like yourself outside of motherhood, but for me it has. Being self employed plays a big part in this. My business is my other baby in a way and it's nice being able to separate the two. My actual babies and my business baby.
If you’re like me and you’ve been wrestling with the idea of becoming self employed, one of the best bits of advice I can give you is to get some advice from someone knowledgeable in the sector you’re in. Tommy LeeZmuda is a great example from the plumbing and heating sector, but there are loads of people you could speak to. If you’re not sure where to start, try hitting up a few trade events or browsing LinkedIn to see where it gets you!
Redefining My Personal Style
I'm not a fashionista. You wouldn't look at me and think 'that girl's got style', but I do feel like myself in the clothes I choose to wear. I'm no longer dressing to cover up my body. I've redefined my personal style since becoming a mum. My style is casual, comfy and put together with on trend jewellery pieces. Yellow gold is my weapon of choice and you'll often find me wearing my comfies with small yellow gold hoops, rings and bracelets. Regular trips to the hair salon is massively beneficial to me too. Having that little bit of me time and a natter (actual adult conversation) with my hair stylist is crucial in making me feel like myself and not just mum.
Accepting Myself: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
A huge factor in feeling like yourself outside of motherhood is understanding who you are. Warts and all. The good, the bad and the ugly. I have lots of positives to my personality, but I also have flaws. As we all do. All I can do is own them, accept myself and work on them.
Surrounding Yourself With Similar People
As i mentioned previously, there are mothers out there who are solely mothers, some who are career focussed. Some are go with the flow type mums and some are sticklers for routine. One of the most interesting things about motherhood is how we all do it differently & what works for me and my children may not work for you and vice versa. As someone who craves a bit of time away from the children to work on my business I've found I've gravitated towards women in a similar position to myself. These women have become little hubs of solace for me and I find we empower each other in striving for success.
Motherhood: The hardest thing to do & the easiest thing to judge.
Claire mac.
If you're wondering how to feel like yourself outside of motherhood, please don't feel the pressure to do so. After my first daughter it took almost a year for me to feel anything other than being her mum. Second time around I'm a little more selfish - And that's not a bad thing. We should never be made to feel selfish for wanting to be something outside of motherhood, just the same as mothers of the opposite opinion shouldn't be judged.
Have you found it difficult separating yourself from motherhood? Do you even want to? I'd love to discuss more with you.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to connect with yourself again after pregnancy. I've never experienced it and possibly never will, but It's bound to be difficult. But you've given some great suggestions for reconnecting with yourself in this post. Very helpful!
I don't know anything about motherhood or parenthood for that matter, but I do know how hard it is to keep a work/life balance and a social life without children, so of course that'll be harder with children, especially with childcare costs
This is such an important post to read if you are a new parent! x
Such an important post Claire, because motherhood (and parenthood in general) is something that does completely take over, whether you're a SAH parent or work part-time or whatever....if you're not at home with the kids you're thinking about the kids, planning to do things with the kids or maybe even worrying about the kids!
I think you've got a good balance of finding things for yourself both from a self-care position but also socially too; I know of a handful of mums who say they lost friends and confidence from throwing themselves into their kids because some of their friends just didn't understand the difficulty of becoming a mum! I sincerely hope that, if you are both stopping at two, you can continue to find ways to be Claire too!
I'm forwarding this onto someone who is a new mum as I feel this will speak to them!
I have a few friends who are mothers and I always find it so interesting to see how different they all are in terms of routine or not etc!
Amy x
callmeamy.co.uk
I still need to find my mum tribe but I’m starting to get back into the groove of things now
I can't even imagine how hard it must be to reconnect with yourself after giving birth, this post is going to help so many mothers/expectant mothers! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
I never felt like I lost myself after I had a baby but I never stopped working so I think that's one of the main reasons! I never wanted to stop doing what I enjoyed, so I didn't and it worked really well for me, I plan to do the same with baby #2 x
I've never been a "just a mum" kinda Mum which has helped me massively. I do everything for my children but I also have a lot of independence thanks to my friends and work which I'm so grateful for xx
This is a lovely and really helpful post. I feel like I'm over a bit of a hump with myself where I feel ready to get out of the leggings and feel a bit more like the old me!
Rosie