Losing yourself in motherhood: How to feel like yourself again

Being a mum is one of the most rewarding experiences a woman can go through. It's brilliant, but it's chaotic. It's heart warming yet relentless. Motherhood is all consuming and it's easy to feel a loss of identity. Losing yourself in motherhood unfortunately isn't uncommon. The responsibilities and demands of being a mum can feel mundane, like you're going through the motions. But it's important to remember that taking care of yourself and rediscovering who you are outside of motherhood can be a really great thing.

In this blog post we'll be looking at the reasons we lose ourselves in motherhood as well as five ways we can feel like ourselves again... You're never 'just a mum'.

Losing yourself in motherhood: Why does it happen?

Motherhood is a 24/7 job. Your parenting day starts when they wake up (in my case, 6am) to when they go to sleep (in my case 8pm), it's a long shift! And even when they go to bed, you're really only ever on standby. There's no annual leave or sick leave when it comes to being a mum.

As a result of the relentlessness it can be easy to be consumed by motherhood and the demands of taking care of our children. As a result many mums neglect their own needs. We put everybody else in front of ourselves.

I write this currently going through the motions of feeling like a shell of my former self. Parenting is really kicking my butt at the moment. But I'm old enough and stupid enough to know it'll pass. Hence why I wanted to write this blog post about losing yourself in motherhood.

Let's take a look at 4 common ways mums can lose their sense of identity in their role as parents.

Everybody else comes first

As a mother it's only natural to put the needs of the children in front of our own. And rightly so! But sometimes something's got to give. By putting other people first we neglect our own desires, which can lead to feeling frustrated and burnt out.

Neglect hobbies and personal interest

Due to the mental load of motherhood we often bypass hobbies or personal interests in favour of doing the most for our kids. Neglecting the things that make us feel good about ourselves whether it's running, reading or just spending time alone can be really damaging for a mothers mental health.

Mum guilt

Many mums feel mum guilt for wanting a bit of time to themselves. This is me right now! I love my kids (obviously) but what I wouldn't give for a few hours to myself where I can fully switch my brain off from being a mum. It's now that I need to remember that self care as a new num isn't selfish and I should be taking time out for myself to focus on me and in turn make me a better parent.

The juggle struggle

Juggling the responsibilities of being a parent with working and other activities is really overwhelming. I've found this more so since going full time with my blog and balancing being self employed with being a parent. This feeling of being 'on' all of the time results in a loss of identity and can again be really damaging for your mental health.

How to feel like yourself again outside of motherhood

Taking care of yourself is key to being the best mother possible. You've heard the saying 'you can't pour from an empty cup', right? Rediscovering who you are outside of motherhood is an important part of that. Here's six ways you can feel like yourself again.

Delegate

Generally speaking (don't @ me) the majority of the parenting workload falls upon the mother. It's a difficult situation and often a catch 22 because when we're up to our neck in motherhood we often don't want people to intervene. If you're anything like me you'll be quite particular with how your ship is run. In order to regain a bit of ourselves though we need to lose the armour and delegate parenting tasks to other people. This could be your partner, family or friends. Even managing an hour to yourself whilst your friend looks after your children will be so beneficial for resetting.

Connect with friends

Take time to catch up with friends. Take time to make new ones. Connecting with others (even if you are a bit of a hermit like me) is a crucial part of feeling like someone outside of motherhood. Even if your friends have kids, talking to an adult is a lot different to talking to your children all day. It can help you feel more connected to not only yourself but current affairs and the world around you too.

Practice self care

Self care and making time for yourself is essential for freeing up your mental space. You need to put yourself first sometimes and it’s not something you should feel guilty about. Self care looks different to everybody. For some it’s baths over flowing with bubbles and for others it’s a walk in nature or spending time journaling. Whatever makes you feel good and makes you feel at one with yourself, do it!

Take a break

Taking a break from parenting is often easier said than done. I get it! You've got responsibilities. But taking a break can be as little as popping out for a coffee to as big as booking a night away with your friends (or my sister in my case woohoo). Taking a break is a great way to escape the demands of parenting and recharge those batteries. You could spend the time doing something you love such as heading to the spa or going out for a nice meal. Breaks don't have to be extravagant, but they're crucial when it comes to feeling like yourself outside of motherhood.

Volunteer

Sometimes mumming all day can feel like we're being productive, but we're doing nothing. Or we're getting nowhere fast! Losing yourself in motherhood is about your sole purpose of being a mum. By volunteering you're giving yourself another purpose. You're giving yourself a project which doesn't involve the children. It can be really rewarding mentally, but of course massively beneficial to other people.

Have fun with fashion

Finishing on something materialistic, but something I think is really important when feeling like yourself again is fashion. In between giving birth to my first and second children I was in a slump with fashion. I had a body I didn't really know what to do with and really didn't feel like myself. Since having my second daughter my mindset has completely changed. This maybe has something to do with being a fussy follower on instagram and curating when I see on social media. But I have the 'f*ck it' attitude when it comes to clothes nowadays. Why shouldn't I wear what I want to wear. I've got a pouch and a bit of extra jiggle, why should that stop me having fun with fashion and feeling like the best version of myself. An easy but really effective way of feeling like yourself again, is redefining your personal style and dressing like yourself again!

To wrap things up, losing yourself in motherhood is easy, it's common and it's not spoken about often enough. Because of this it makes us feel horrifically guilty when we even so much as have the tiniest inkling to break free for a moment. By pursuing hobbies, giving ourselves time and saying 'f*ck it' to a number of things, we can feel like ourselves again. Taking care of yourself is taking care of your children. Remember that!