30 Things I've learnt in 30 years.

[AD] Turning 30 feels like it's such a milestone! And it is, but not in the soul destroying, pressurising way it's made out to be. Turning 30 isn't that bad, in fact it's my favourite age! I love being 30! It's empowering & I feel like you learn a lot by the time you reach 30. Here's 30 things I've learnt in my 30 years.

30 Things I've learnt

1. You'll loose friend along the way & that's okay.

I had such a strong friendship group as a teen, but friendship groups in your teens are very different to those in adulthood. Sometimes you carry the same friends through to but one of the things I've learnt is that sometimes you don't... And that's okay. People grow & change, yourself included meaning it's only natural to loose friends along the way.

2. Being different is what makes you, you!

There is no better thing than being different. It makes you, you! There's nothing more special than individuality and I feel we should all be applauded for that. You are best at being you & that's an amazing thing. The world would be an incredibly boring place if we were all the same!

3. You don't have to want children.

As a mum who's also currently pregnant this may seem like a strange one to add to my list. The way we've chosen to live our lives are exactly that, out choice. Just because we've decided to go down one route, doesn't mean that everybody should. I'm a firm believer that whether you do or don't want children it shouldn't be anybody's business but your own. Not wanting children isn't weird, it's not selfish & it should be accepted.

4. You cannot control peoples opinions on you.

When I was younger the opinions of other people used to really get to me. Now I'm 30 one of the things I've learnt is to understand that I cannot control other peoples opinions. There's always going to be somebody out there who doesn't like you.

5. Social media isn't real life.

Our social media profiles are highlights of our lives, we never show the bad stuff... And it's worth remembering that! We only see what other people want us to see. It's not the be all and end all & it shouldn't be something we focus our lives on so heavily.

6. You can turn negative experiences into positive possibilities.

I fully believe we need to grieve for and understand any negative experiences we go through in life. One of the things I've learnt in my 30 years however is that even in the bad times, we can make positives out of them. It might not happen straight away, it could even take years, but it can and will happen.

7. You don't have to have your life together by 30.

This was a big one for me! It's drilled into us that our twenties are for figuring out what we want to do with our lives. Sometimes life doesn't quite go like that. Sometimes we're hit with curveballs & the unknown. Not knowing what you want to do with your life at 30, even 40 or 50 isn't a bad thing!

7. People change - It's normal

I bet you've changed from the person you were 10 years ago. I've changed from the person I was five years ago. Heck, I've even changed from the person I was last year! We change, we grow and we develop. Evolution is natural! It's a good thing and something that shouldn't be shunted.

8. Going meat free isn't actually that hard.

I wouldn't class myself as fully vegetarian, I'm probably 90% veggie 10% not. For me going meat free hasn't been particularly difficult. There are lots of fun ways to improve your health. I've always enjoyed vegetarian dishes and have regularly chosen to eat those over meaty meals. I'm not about to preach to you why veggie is best (10% meat eater over here) but it's a very surprisingly simple life adjustment to make.

9. There's always something worse that could have happened.

I don't know if this is a silly or naive way of thinking, but in the bad times I often think there could have been something way worse that could have happened. I suppose it maybe eases my guilt or makes me feel better about the situation. I'm a naturally very positive person, even in darker times. I remember when I was in 'regular employment' I'd often have team members confide in me with their mistakes. And my response would always be to advise them that whatever they felt bad about wasn't the worst thing in the world. This nonchalant approach although naive, is something that's really helped me.

10. Take a chance on yourself.

Quitting a regular stable job to pursue my dream career of being a freelance blogger has been one of the best decisions I've made. I always knew it would be, but it took me a long time to take a chance on myself. I never had the confidence in myself or my abilities. Recently I announced that I'm going to be co-author of a book which will publish all of my experiences of self doubt & how I'm now taking a chance on myself. Believing in yourself can open such amazing possibilities & it's definitely one of the most important things I've learnt to do.

11. The simple things are everything.

If lockdown has taught us anything it's that the simplest things are the most important. I recently wrote a post about 7 simple joys in experienced in April & it was the most cathartic, humbling process! I'd definitely recommend it! Photo books are a great way to reminisce and look back on the simple things that matter.

12. Being single doesn't make you a failure.

Again, like the pressures to have children, the notion that you have to be in a relationship to be happy is one that baffles me. This may sound strange as I'm a happily married woman who's been with her Husband for the last ten years (Eeek!) but I'm very aware that my happiness, may not be someone else's happiness. You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy.

13. You don't need to drink alcohol to have a good time.

I had a wild relationship with alcohol in my teens; It made me become very scared about the effects alcohol can have on your body & the way you handle yourself. The idea that you could legally loose control of your actions is something which astounds me. I'm not tee-total, I don't deny myself alcohol however one of the most important things I've learnt is that you don't need it to have a good time.

14. Gratitude is everything.

To show thankfulness and be appreciative is absolutely everything. We're taught from a very early age that manners cost nothing however I do think it's something which slips as we reach adulthood. Gratitude journals are a great way to reflect for adults.

15. Self love is the best love.

The best kind of love is the love you give to yourself & I mean that in every sense of the words. What you allow yourself to feel and the love you give to yourself is the most powerful thing. I believe very strongly in the words of Ru Paul, 'If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else'.

16. Sometimes it IS you.

We're not all angels... I'm sorry, I said it! I'm certainly not & I bet you aren't reading this. That's not to say we're bad people! We're human, we make mistakes & I think a really good quality to have is being able to stand up and own those mistakes. It's one of the things I've learnt particularly in a work setting when things don't quite go your way. It's something you've just got to hold your hands up to, admit your mistake & learn from.

17. Grudges hurt you, more than they do them.

I'm naturally a super laid back person. I'm too lazy to hold a grudge! One of the best I've learnt during adulthood is to let go! What is life if you're too caught up on the feelings of somebody else?

18. Mental health isn't black and white.

I'm very lucky in the sense that I've never really struggled with my mental health. Understanding the mental health of others around me has definitely been a challenge for me over the years. Things aren't always so black and white. You can't either be thriving or struggling, it's not one or the other. It's not as simple as that. A persons mental health can change daily. I've definitely learnt to become more compassionate.

19. You can change who you are... If you want to.

The only person who can make you change is you. And that's only if you want to! I've been around people in my past who've said I should act a certain way or have tried to change certain things about me. It's not okay! You shouldn't have to change who you are for anybody else. The only way you should be reinventing yourself is because you want to!

20. Money doesn't need to be your main motivator.

Hands up who's a money chaser? That's great if that's you, but that's not me. I've never really been motivated by money & it's often looked down upon. What I'm motivated by is time! Time with my daughter and with my family to create such precious memories. For me that's way more important & is actually the main reason I went freelance with my blog.

21. Be careful what you share.

I've definitely become more guarded with what I share, especially with regards to my daughter. I've questioned how much of my child's face I should be showing online since she turned one. I do share the odd photo every now and again (I mean, she's the cutest thing I've ever seen) but the majority of her photos no longer show her face. I'm also trying to get in the habit of using her initial rather than her name, to protect her identity. It's often questioned as bloggers if we're oversharing online & it's something I try to keep at the forefront of my mind before posting.

22. Marriage doesn't really change anything.

I suppose this goes hand in hand with number 12. We always knew before we got married, that the act of being married wouldn't actually change anything and I know a lot of people who feel the same thing. Would I do anything differently on our wedding day? Parts of it yes. Parts of it no. Has it changed anything about our relationship? Absolutely not.

23. Sorry doesn't always mean sorry.

Before going freelance with my blog, I worked in retail. In retail we say sorry quite a lot, but very rarely mean it! #sorrynotsorry! That had me thinking about 'real life apologies' and how genuine they can be. Obviously every apology is different, but I'd like to think I've become a good judge of character & can tell a real sorry from a fake one.

24. Learn to let go.

How freeing life can be, when you learn to let go. Like I say I'm a naturally easy going, laid back person, but I've really learnt to embrace this characteristic. Stay in your own lane, look after yourself & I'm sure you'll reap the benefits.

25. Being open & honest doesn't make you an attention seeker.

For years I'd hide myself and my true emotions away. As a shy introverted person, I never thought my feelings were valid. If anything I used to think that speaking my truth would be deemed as attention seeking. This couldn't be further from the truth! If anything we should be encouraged to speak our truths and how we're feeling for two reasons. One, I bet there's somebody out there who can help & two, I bet there's somebody else out there who feels exactly the same way you do.

26. Life is very unpredictable.

Gosh! Life can be unpredictable. I've kind of learnt not to plan for anything (especially recently) and to expect the unexpected. I love putting a plan together, but equally I love just seeing where life takes me. Part of me feels that to over plan is to miss out on life's biggest opportunities.

27. Own your mistakes.

Just own them! It doesn't make you a bad person, unless you're a serial killer or actual criminal... I'm guessing you're not! I hope you're not! I really dislike wishy washy excuses, they're so easy to see through. This mindset only spurs me on to totally own my mistakes.

28. Everyday is a school day.

I don't know everything! Far from it in fact! I've still got so much to learn, and that's what makes life kind of exciting right? I love learning new things. Whether they stay in my brain is another question!

29. Judgement is a way of life.

You'll always be judged; From people who've known you all your life to those you pass in the street. Unfortunately judgement is a way of life & we can either let it consume us or learn to get on with it. Life's so much easier if you're able to do the latter.

30. There is only one you.

And that's your superpower! Nobody has been through the things that you have, in the same way, with the same life experiences. Your life makes you, you & I think that'sa blooming wonderful thing.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk!

Gosh, that felt cathartic! I've loved reflecting and laying all of my truths down in one place. I feel cleansed! If you got to the end I really do applaud you!

Tell me which of my 30 truths you resonated with most?