How to deal with the mental load of motherhood: The importance of self care

[AD] The hardest thing about parenting and being a mother is never about the children. More often than not it's fitting everything else in around the children. The mental load of motherhood can have a serious affect on both physical and mental health. Luckily there are a few ways we can tackle the anxieties head on. In collaboration with Very here's how we can reduce anxieties and deal with the mental load of parenthood.

What is the mental load of motherhood?

The mental load of motherhood relates to the invisible work load involved with parenting and running a household. Typically this falls upon the mothers shoulders. The mental load refers to the overseeing of tasks rather than actually completing the tasks. It's being in charge of a never ending to do list.

Ask any mum about the mental load of motherhood, and she'll know exactly what you mean

erin pepler

How the mental load of motherhood can affect your health

Parental anxiety

Juggling family life with work and maintaining social relationships can feel highly overwhelming. Not being able to step away from the mental load means parental anxiety can arise. It's easy to get caught up in the loop and vicious cycle of anxiety and depression.

Sleep deprivation

It goes without saying that you're more than likely going to suffer with sleep deprivation as a parent. Especially in the newborn days. The lack of sleep begins with you child not sleeping through the night, but it can hang around for many years to come due to the mental load of motherhood. Tiredness and the lack of sleep can lead to other issues such as strained relationships, irritability and lack of energy.

Memory gaps

Feel like you're forever losing things? Or that you forget what you're saying half way through a sentence? Memory gaps can happen because your mental load is taking over. One thing goes into your brain, another thing comes out.

Headaches

Lack of sleep, increase in anxieties and your never ending to do list can all lead to headaches. If you practiced hypnobirthing you'll be aware of the 'fight or flight' hormone adrenaline. Your stress response can wreak havoc on your body. If the muscles in your neck and shoulders are tight due to stress this will have an affect on the rest of your upper body and skull potentially causing tension and stress headaches.

You can't pour from an empty cup

norm kelly

How to ease the mental load of motherhood

When the mother is taking too much on it's easy to say 'don't take so much on'. This response is of course easier said than done. Let's break things down, get back to basics and try ease the mental load of motherhood for you.

Set boundaries

Recognising your limitations is imperative for reducing mental load. Sometimes we have to say 'no' to preserve our maternal mental health. Healthy boundaries are crucial for giving yourself the ability to carve out 'me time'.

Delegate where possible

I'm generalising, but as mothers we need to learn to not suffer in silence and to ask for help as soon as it's needed. I'll be honest, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to this one. Delegating tasks and asking for help gives you so much more time and mental space.

Get outside help

If you don't have access to family help and you are struggling with the mental load, outside help can be a huge benefit. Licensed professionals or parent support groups are available if you reach out to them. Sometimes when we're struggling, it's not the to problem that's the problem (I hope that makes sense) it's not having someone to confide in or talk to. If you need outside help, absolutely search for it.

Practice self care

Self care and making time for yourself is essential for freeing up your mental space. You need to put yourself first sometimes and it's not something you should feel guilty about. Self care looks different to everybody. For some it's baths over flowing with bubbles and for others it's a walk in nature or spending time journaling. Whatever makes you feel good and makes you feel at one with yourself, do it!

Why is self care so important for tackling the mental load of motherhood

Being a mum is one of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs in the world. It's a privilege having my two small humans call me mammy. But in order for me to be the best mother to my kids, I need to look after myself first.

Like most mums I'm usually at the bottom of the list. I put others needs before my own, which although I do think is a good quality, I know too much of it can play havoc with my mental health. The importance and impact of self care for mothers is invaluable. Practicing self care means you're being mindful of your own needs. As a mother I feel I'm a better parent when I practice self care.

Self care is not selfish

eleanor brown

Benefits of self care include:

• Self care can improve anxieties and better your mental health
• Self care and listening to your body's needs can improve your physical health
• Self care improves energy levels
• Self care makes you feel good about yourself
• Self care can lead to better relationships

It's easy to see how these benefits relate to parenting and the mental load of motherhood. The general overview however is that by practicing self care you are giving your brain a chance to switch off. The mental load of motherhood and the to do list that comes with is temporarily shuts down. And when you come back to it, you've been able to reevaluate and can tackle your to do list with a much clearer head.

What does self care look like?

Self care is subjective and can look different to each and every one of us. It's important to listen to your body's needs, give yourself time to rest and really hone in on what makes you feel good about yourself.

Some examples of self care include the following:

Cosy nights in

As part of the 'living well with Very' campaign the first example of self care is a cosy night in. As soon as the kids go to bed, I like to pop my favourite pair of Chelsea Peers pyjamas on and snuggle up on the sofa. I'll stick a movie on, grab a sharing bag of chips and dip and rest my body after a day chasing small children around.

To me this is self care because as soon as my pyjamas go on my brain switches off. The mental load of being a mum disappears for those couple of hours and I'm really able to listen to my body and hone in on resting and refuelling.

Refuel your body

Being a mum, my diet often consists of picky bits from the fridge and my children's left overs. Self care means looking after yourself and this can include refuelling your body with the nutrients it needs.

Incorporating wholefoods into your diet can make a significant difference. Taking an hour out to make a meal from scratch can be so beneficial. Sure, you'll be putting good food into your body. But the time spent cooking and being creative in the kitchen will also act as a reset. Having something other than the children to think about is so valuable.

Moreover, adding stress relief vitamins to your routine, with guidance from a healthcare professional, can further enhance your mental well-being. These vitamins help manage the stress and pressure that come with motherhood, making it easier to maintain a balanced and healthy mindset. Remember, self-care isn’t just about eating well; it’s about nurturing both your body and mind.

Meditation

Meditation has so many benefits both physically and emotionally. It brings a sense of calm which is obviously the complete opposite of being a parent. It helps you relax and can really help hone in on finding your inner peace. Again something which is a stark contrast to a day of mothering.

Breath work and meditation is such a useful form of self care. I don't do it as often as I should, but when I do I'm always amazed at how grounded I feel afterwards.

Self reflection

Journaling and self reflection is an incredibly beneficial self care technique. Not only will it allow you to switch off from the mental load of motherhood, but I bet the reflection side of things will make you feel like an amazing parent too. Practicing self care through journaling reduces stress clarifies thoughts and feelings and allows you to feel your feelings. Something which as mothers we don't often get time to do.

If you're unsure of where to start I have two wonderful friends who can help you out on your self reflection journey. Jenny has put together 40 journal prompts and Lauren has 25 journal prompts to boost your mental health. These two are my go to girls when it comes to journal based self care.

Pamper nights

Possibly the most popular of all self care ideas is the pamper night. It's very fitting with Very's newest campaign and something I'm sure we could all get on board with. Pamper nights make me feel good, they make me feel more me and less mammy. If that makes sense!

My favourite pamper acts of self care include bubble baths, face mask, hair mask and a full body exfoliation. Then I like to slather myself in moisturiser before popping my jammies on and giving myself a gel nail manicure and pedicure.

How do you cope with the mental load of motherhood? Is it something you feel on a regular basis? What are your more favourable methods of self care? Do let me know in the comments below.