How To Enjoy Your Sex Life When You Have Children

AD. Remember when sex was fun? I bet it was before children came on the scene, right? Having a sex life when you have children feels like an oxymoron. The sentence feels wrong. especially if your children are still quite young. What used to be a pleasurable, healthy, playful thing to do has now turned into something we as parents can often see as a chore.

I get it! It's like what would you prefer... A mind blowing orgasm or an extra half hour in bed to catch up on sleep you've lost from the previous however many nights/weeks/months/years of unbroken sleep you've suffered... I'm not going to lie, it was usually the latter for me!

With that being said, I do feel like it is possible to have a sex life when you have children. You might just have to be clever (and perhaps a little less spontaneous) about it.

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Is It Normal For Your Sex Life To Change After Having Children?

Absolutely!

Parenthood changes every part of your relationship, emotionally, physically and mentally. Exhaustion, stress, hormonal changes and lack of alone time can all affect intimacy. That doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. In many cases, it simply means you’re adjusting to a completely new stage of life together.

The important thing is communication, patience and finding ways to reconnect that work for both of you.

How To Have A Sex Life When You Have Children

1. Switch Off From Being A Parent

It's hard (that's what she said) to relax when you're a parent. I can't remember a time when I didn't have a to do list running through my mind. As parents, our brains are constantly running through to-do lists:

• packed lunches
• school forms
• washing piles
• what’s for tea
• whether anyone has PE tomorrow

Romance doesn’t exactly thrive under mental exhaustion.

But if you can give yourself permission to step out of “mum mode” and reconnect with yourself as a partner, it can make such a difference. You’re still allowed to feel sexy, confident and desired, even after having children. Sometimes the hardest part is simply allowing yourself to relax.

2. Take Your Time

You've just had a baby, the last thing on your mind is donning your lace negligee and getting down on all fours. Come to think of it being on all fours kind of reminds me how I gave birth now! Eeek!

We're advised to wait at least six weeks before engaging in intercourse. Six weeks when you've just pushed a watermelon sized being out of what's usually a grape sized hole is not very long! If you need to wait longer than that then please do. Just because someone else has given you the A-Okay, doesn't mean you have to!

3. Be Selfish, Think About What Turns You On

When you’re trying to improve your sex life when you have children, it’s important to stop thinking about intimacy as something you “owe” your partner. Sex should feel enjoyable for you too.

Now is the perfect time to really think about what makes you feel good, confident and turned on. Maybe that means slowing things down, communicating more openly or trying something new together.

Even having a proper conversation about intimacy can help you reconnect emotionally, which often leads to reconnecting physically too. And let’s be honest, those kinds of conversations can get pretty steamy anyway.

4. Don't Be Afraid To Introduce Sex Toys

Okay, so sex toys aren't for everyone, but they're not all as scary as you'd think! When I used to think of sex toys I'd think of huge dildos that I just wouldn't have a clue what to do with... Think of the sleepover scene from White Chicks! That was me!

There are so many different things on the market these days. Couples sex toys bring the fun for everyone with things like massage oils or remote control love eggs. Not forgetting the single mamas out there, you're doing an amazing job, but you need your own little R&R too! Vibrators or magic wands could be the one for you! And if toys aren't quite your thing there's fun little games you could try such as Karma Sutra playing cards or Truth or Dare.

5. Create A Build Up To The Main Event

You know those days where you just know you're going to have sex later on that evening! They're the best kind of days. The slow kisses throughout the day, the tender back (or butt) rubs whilst you're cooking the tea. They all mean that the chances of getting your leg over later that evening are quite high.

Creating a build up throughout the day for me is the best way to have a romantic sex life when you have children. Small gestures can lead to fireworks in the bedroom and I'm here for it! That's my love language!

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Can you relate to the pressures of having a sex life when you have children?

There are so many different things you can do to keep your sex life fun and active. What's one thing you've done with your partner to keep the romance alive?

FAQs About Having A Sex Life When You Have Children

1. Is it normal for your sex life to change after having children?

Absolutely. Having children can affect intimacy in lots of ways, including exhaustion, hormonal changes, stress and simply not having enough time alone together. Most couples notice changes in their sex life after becoming parents, especially during the early years.

2. How do you keep intimacy alive after having kids?

Small moments of connection can make a huge difference. Things like cuddling on the sofa, flirting throughout the day, planning date nights or simply communicating openly with your partner can help maintain intimacy when life feels busy.

3. Why am I never in the mood for sex after becoming a parent?

Parenthood is mentally and physically exhausting, so a lower sex drive is incredibly common. Lack of sleep, stress, postpartum recovery and carrying the mental load can all impact libido. It doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you.

4. How long should you wait to have sex after having a baby?

Most healthcare professionals recommend waiting around six weeks after giving birth, but everyone is different. Emotional readiness is just as important as physical recovery, so it’s important to go at your own pace and only do what feels comfortable for you.

5. Can having children affect your relationship?

Yes. Children can change relationship dynamics massively. Less alone time, increased responsibilities and exhaustion can all put pressure on couples. That’s why communication, teamwork and prioritising connection are so important after becoming parents.

6. How can parents make time for sex?

Sometimes spontaneity disappears after kids, and honestly, that’s normal. Scheduling time together, asking family to babysit or simply making the most of nap times and early bedtimes can help parents reconnect physically and emotionally.

7. Is it normal to feel touched out after having children?

Completely. When you spend all day holding, feeding and comforting children, physical touch can sometimes feel overwhelming rather than relaxing. Taking time for yourself and communicating your needs with your partner can really help.

8. What’s the best way to reconnect with your partner after kids?

Start small. Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean sex straight away. Spending quality time together, laughing, talking properly and showing affection throughout the day can help rebuild emotional connection naturally over time.