There’s no doubt in my mind the strain parenting can have on a marriage. Particularly in the newborn days, but even as the children get older. It can be really difficult. The difference of opinions, the competition of who's the most tired, the lack of time together. It’s no surprise. Maintaining a happy marriage after children can be really tricky. Here's 10 ways to keep the spark alive and rekindle a bit of romance.
How to Maintain a Happy Marriage After Children
Notice Each Others Strengths
Nobody wants to be married to a nag. I was always told to be more of a 'nagging wife', but I just don't have it in me. I can't be bothered. So, instead of focusing on your partner's faults, remember all the good things they do for you and tell them! It's a great way to build a stronger relationship and remind each other of why you fell in love in the first place.
Talk About the Future
The future is exciting, and discussing it with your partner is a great way to get excited together and fall in love with the life you're building together. Make it your personal project to work on together.
Equality Matters
Whether one of you is a stay at home parent or the main breadwinner, it's important to remember that you're a team and that everyone contributes in their own way. Your marriage is a unity, a joining of people - It's worth remembering this to keep relationships strong.
Let the Kids See you as a Team
Showing a united front in front of your kids is crucial to avoid any opportunities for them to drive a wedge between you. Having your kids see you as a team avoids any kind of shoe in for them to play you off one another. Something we're on the cusp of discovering with our four year old. Teamwork between parents helps build positive relationships for children to look up to.
Make Time for Each Other
Remember who you were before children, and make sure to spend time together as a couple. You still are those people... You just have added, human shaped, responsibilities now. Organise a weekly date night, it doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just purely time to yourselves to concentrate one each other. Making time for each other will help you grow together and keep your relationship strong.
Choose your Words Wisely
Words can be hurtful, so it's important to choose them carefully. I understand things can get heated and words can slip out. But marriage is a unity and an act of teamwork, so careless words can belittle the vows you made.
Disagree Fairly
Differences of opinions are healthy as long as they're discussed respectfully. Debate, but do it in a way that is fair and doesn't involve any low blows. Disagreeing fairly is a really important thing to get your head around. Plus... Even if you do disagree, you can always make it up in the bedroom later on!
Problem Solve, Don't Run
Parenting can be tough, but it's important to look for ways to work through rough patches together instead of ways out. A happy marriage after children takes time and effort, but it's incredibly beneficial.
Do you have any tips for keeping a happy marriage after children? Do you feel your relationship has changed with your partner since having kids?
A really interesting read. Our two are 13 & 16 and we're preparing for life when they've moved on, while realising it's still a while off yet. Your post makes a lot of sense.
Thanks for sharing.
This is such a great post and everything you've said sounds spot on! Obviously I don't have kids yet but I'd like to think I'd be able to adopt all of these when I do to ensure my relationship stays just as strong. I love that you said you just can't be bothered being a nag haha!
Great tips, we definitely need to be wise with our words. I will keep these in mind. We have a couple of years before marriage. Thank you for sharing!
I like how you mentioned working as a team when you're married and showing that to your children, that's such a good point! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
The first year as Mum & Dad is so incredibly hard on any marriage - even the strongest ones! We defo bickered more, there were feelings of resent and some tough times but your tips are perfect. Sleep deprivation will make you hate everyone but it's so important to celebrate each other where you can!
Rosie
Remembering you're a team is a great tip. You're both experiencing the same things together, and it's important to remember that what you're feeling is also what they might be feeling x
Try to make sure you get time away together. When J was first born, Chris and I would take him with us and go for a coffee or out for lunch, once he was a bit older we'd leave him with the babysitter and go out for dinner or the cinema. Now we have both boys it's a. bit more of a challenge but our friends have two daughters and live really close to us so while one of us stays with our kids, the other one goes to babysit and then on another night, my friend comes to babysit and her husband stays with their kids or the other way around so between the 2 couples - one babysits and one gets a date night. So far it's worked quite well when we can get all the children to go bed when they should do!
If you have disagreements between you try and put a pin in them and come back to them when you actually can have a proper conversation - I know I'm rubbish for this because I want to get it sorted and actually it's not the time to sort it.