I've been winging this motherhood gig for a whole nine months now & bizarrely it's felt like the longest but also shortest nine months of my life - It's been one hell of a ride, with high highs and low lows, but once thing's for certain and that is I'm not the same person I was nine months ago.

I'm different - And I like it.

I was thinking of writing a blog post along the lines of 'nine months of Amelia' which focussed on how she's developed over the last nine months, & although I may still do that, I thought what about me?.. I've had a journey too! I've certainly changed and developed since this baby of mine made her appearance, and it's about time we started celebrating the transition into motherhood - Because although there's good & there's bad, the evolution into motherhood is nothing short of amazing!

Before I entered into motherhood I thought it was going to be a walk in the park - I mean you see people out there just getting on with it, other mama's out there make it look hella easy & I suppose that's exactly why I want to be as open & honest as possible with my journey - Because it's not always like that.

I've loved my motherhood journey! But the last nine months have definitely been a tough ride.

I'm going to start with a positive, because if you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know it's going to get hella deep a little later on - But the biggest emotion I've felt since having Amelia is a massive amount of love. I know everybody says it, but I wasn't quite prepared for the amount of love I was going to feel for her - Gahh, even just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye!
Along with so many other mamas out there, I've become such an emotional wreck since having Amelia.

I've spoken in length about how unexpectedly lonely & isolated I've felt as a new mum. It's such a bittersweet feeling, and one I can't help but feel guilty about - I ask myself why? Why do I feel so lonely when my days are spent with the person I love most in the world.
It's such a conflicting thought, and one I'm only just getting my head around.

Achievements nowadays are daft things such as managing to brush both sets of teeth (mine & Amelia's) before dinner, or successfully leaving the house on time to get to playgroup. Every week Meghan Walsh shares hers #MumWinMonday which is a fantastic online community (I'll be delving  further into this a little later on) where we all get together and share our achievements for the day.
Sometimes it's that I've managed to smash out 3 blog posts that day, other times my mum win will be that I haven't lost my shit that day... And although very different, both achievements are totally creditable.

One of the biggest things I've struggled with since having Amelia is productivity, or quite frankly the lack of it!
I had such high hopes for what I was going to achieve whilst on maternity leave, but if I'm honest I've barely achieved anything I had planned. I'm the type of person who loves a productive day & I thrive of the satisfaction that comes with ticking off a to do list, but since having my little sproglet, days like these have been far & few between.
The disapproval in my lack of productivity completely conflicts my approval for celebrating lifes small wins, but if that isn't motherhood, I don't know what is.

Online community.
I'm in a position where I don't have family around me & the friends that I do have close by all work full time hours so a lot of the time it's just Amelia keeping me for company, apart from when Dan gets in from work of course. I've taken so much solace from the online community I've met since having Amelia - I'm surrounded by so many wonderfully honest & amazingly raw mama's that I can't help but feel positive in my own parenting journey, there really is strength in numbers.
My online mama community deserves a blog post of it's own, so watch this space!

Before having Amelia I was terrified at the thought of being out in public with her while she was crying or throwing an epic tantrum, and although it was hard in the early days, I couldn't care less nowadays about having people looking over at us. Babies cry, it's just part of it, and if anyone looks down their nose at us, well that reflects more upon them than it does me.
I've found I'm quite a strong person when it comes to being judged on my parenting skills; I couldn't give a rats ass if you don't agree with the sleeping technique we use, or how we sometimes feed Amelia from pre-made jars, she's happy, healthy & I'm confident in my own abilities to be a good mum.

Married Life.
The relationship you have with your partner since welcoming your bundle of joy is something I've only seen spoken about a handful of times.
I'd definitely say the relationship I have with my husband has changed since having Amelia - We're not each others priority anymore - And that's totally normal!
Dan's out of the house for 10 hours a day, and because he works in quite a high pressure environment all he wants to do when he gets home is chill with Amelia. Me on the other hand, I'm frazzled from being up since 6am with her, I've had little to no adult conversation all day & as soon as he gets in from work, it's as if I pounce on him (not in that way, you dirty buggers) and expect a full days interaction within the couple of hours we spend together before going to bed.
We don't see each other at our bests now & although we're strong & we're good together as a couple, I'd be lying if I said things haven't changed.

Gut Instinct.
The biggest thing I've learnt in the last nine months since becoming mama, is just to wing it! Sometimes there isn't a right or wrong answer & more often than not you've just got to go with your gut instinct. You can read 100 different articles online but essentially what works for somebody else might not work for you & that's totally okay, all babies are different & you've just got to go with it.
Remember mama's... You know your babies!

Nine whole months wrapped up in a few paragraphs. I actually can't believe how quickly the time has gone - It's actually crazy! My life has completely changed since becoming a mother & although some things have been expected, I'd definitely say there are a lot of emotions I felt were quite unexpected.

What's the most unexpected thing you've learnt since becoming a mother?


1 comment

  1. This is such a fab post Claire. I'm definitely here for this topic, as like you say, these posts always seem to be about baby, when really, we should be biggin ourselves up!

    And I am completely with you on all you mention, winging it is definitely the right phrase to sum motherhood up

    Looking forward to a new year playdate with you and Miss A. :)



C l a i r e M a c © . Theme by STS.